“I’m just not very good, Brooke.”
Big Ben, not telling us anything we don’t already know. Despite their comeback win against the Colts last week, the Steelers’ veneer of dominance has all but dissipated. The most overrated 11-0 team ever finally fell apart in Week 13, embarking on a 3-game losing streak that culminated in the sad sack loss to the 2-10-1 Bengals in Week 15. This is exactly where we are used to seeing the Steelers at this time of year. The sum somehow less than the individual parts; a team good enough to win a few playoff games, but destined to make an exit prior to to the Super Bowl. Steelers culture continues to be self-pitying and dysfunctional, even with supposed locker room cancers Bell and Brown gone. I’d empty my (admittedly modest) bank account for footage of Roethlisberger’s anti-Smalley routine before each game – looking in the mirror and declaring: “I’m not very good, I’m dumb as shit, and doggone it, nobody likes me!”
“I don’t want to use those words from me. We’ll just move on from there.”
Speaking of shitty team culture, this is recently fired Lions special teams coach Brayden Coombs, responding to a question about whether he was a bad fit for the team’s culture. One would think that not being a fit for The Lions Way in 2020 would be a good thing, but apparently aside from the sorry luck of having a boojee white trash Gen Z name like Brayden, his flaws included regularly being late to meetings, a relentless need for self-promotion, and a tendency to go rogue in unintentionally hilarious ways. Again, one might find this understandable, given the fact that the last slivers of respectabilty that may have existed in the team headquarters were probably swept out the door in the wake of Patricia’s sacking.
The final straw that led to Coombs’ dismissal was the disastrous fake punt he called from his team’s own 30-yard line… without telling the head coach or anyone else besides the players on the punt team. This is a dude who obviously DGAF and was just asking to get fired. But his absence, closely following Patricia’s, poured shit gravy on top of a disaster far worse than an ill-timed secret fake punt. Right before Week 16, Interim Head Coach Darrell Bevell and numerous other coaches and assistants were forced to miss the game because of COVID protocols. The Lions’ answer? Wide Receivers Coach Robert Prince took over as head coach, QB Coach Sean Ryan called plays on offense, and defensive play-calling fell to Evan Rothstein, an assistant in charge of research and analysis. The results of basically Jonah Hill’s character from Moneyball coordinating the defense were catastrophic. By the end of the first half, Brady already had 348 passing yards and 4 TDs. If you had anybody from the Bucs passing game that week, you got a serious leg up in your fantasy championship.
Ironically, none of the teams in Astral Geeks on Championship weekend (the title game and the third place match) had any of the Bucs on their team. Nor did they have Kamara, who turned into an All-Time Fantasy Championship performance for the ages. He scored 6 TDs, resulting in 58.60 FP in Astral Geeks. He decided a whole lot of fantasy championship games before the weekend even started, making it a Christmas to remember for some, and possibly ruining it forever for millions of others. What’s more, his nephew was born not only on Christmas, but will hear his whole life about how he was born on the most magical Christmas ever. Impossible to live up to, no matter how much homework you do.
“The second Lamar Jackson came back from wiping his ass, everything went downhill for Cleveland”
Drew Magary, on Lamar Jackson’s already legendary Paul Pierce moment. The official party line is still that he had “cramps,” which is a clever bit of obfuscation without explicitly lying. But man, wherever those cramps were, getting rid of them sure did the trick. On his first play back, he chucked a 45 yard, 4th and 5 TD pass to Marquise Brown, and the Ravens went on to beat the Browns. The Browns, meanwhile did beat the Giants the following week, but then lost to the suddenly surging Jets, putting their chance at a playoff berth in jeopardy. There are five 10-5 AFC teams vying for a playoff spot: the Titans, Colts, Dolphins, Ravens, and Browns. When the Week 17 musical chairs stop, some 10-win team is going to be left without a seat (while it is entirely possible that a 6-10 Giants team will host a playoff game next week). The Browns are currently in the midst of their own COVID outbreak, which could put them at a distinct disadvantage. Just please, whatever happens, give us a Myles Garrett/Mason Rudolph reunion.Continue reading “ASTRAL GEEKS S06E09: A New Year For Wile E. Coyote”