“Football is the best, and if I ever tell you otherwise, I am lying. It is not a moral sport, but it’s also not an ugly one. Far from it. It’s a fucking gorgeous sport, one that will forever turn my head. And even in football’s worst moments, there is the field to redeem it. That field has been painted with lines and numbers in a hubristic attempt to give it structure, but within those strained boundaries there occurs a conflagration of violence, beauty, and absurdity that all fields, lined or not, host without complaint.”
-Drew Magary, in the inaugural Jamboroo of 2022
You know I heartily agree that football is the best, but Drew is even better. He is not only possibly the funniest writer alive, but when he’s being genuinely earnest he’s always dead the fuck on. A lotta wisdom and self-awareness in that cracked up skull of his, and he’s got a massively kind and generous heart, despite his tendency to publicly seethe over seemingly minute annoyances (part of his charm). These qualities only deepened when he nearly died of a severe brain hemorrhage a few years back. I was genuinely worried when it happened, as he fell off the map almost entirely and hardly anyone knew what had happened for almost a year. He is the kind of writer that you feel like you know personally, and I really would have been pretty shook up if he passed. No doubt I have cribbed a good bit of my writing style from the guy (as well as his arch-nemesis Simmons, who would blather on endlessly, outstaying his welcome well past any reasonable sort of threshold, just as yours truly is wont to do). But I’m not ashamed. Steal from the best if you are going to steal at all.
The other day, while I was reading the Why Your Team Sucks archives, I was struck with how happy I was that Drew had survived his near-fatal ordeal and was okay, still able to keep writing and making me and so many others laugh. So I wrote him a little note telling him so and a few days later he sent me a genuinely thoughtful reply from his personal email, which I did not expect. So now we are best friends and my life is complete. He lives in Maryland, so I probably can’t make the barbecue at his house next week, but I am quite positive we will be exchanging Xmas presents this year. I’ll let you know what he gets me, but I’m sure it will be something both thoughtful and hilarious!
sound in the world.
“I want to be iconic.”
-Russell Wilson, to The Ringer in August.
We all know that despite being great fun to watch on the field, DangerPuss is a silly, silly man who is nearly impossible to take seriously outside the sixty minutes of regulation. Nevertheless, he raises an interesting question: What does it take to be an NFL icon? It can’t merely be success, because I think you could argue for a number of guys who have had more defeat than victory. Like, isn’t Cam Newton an icon? The best he ever got was that one (albeit astonishing) 15-1 season that ended with an ignominious loss to another icon, ol’ Peyton Manning, who at that point had a piece of overcooked macaroni for a throwing arm. So is it then a unique personality and style? To some degree, of course, but Joe Montana is clearly an icon, and outside of his famous John Candy moment, he is an exceedingly bland dude. Bellichick is an icon and his gruff unlikability and rumpled, oversized sleeveless sweatshirts became a kind of de facto signature style merely from the fact that the dude went to nine Super Bowls and was constantly on our TV screens. Sometimes it’s just an all-time picture that does the job, like Y. A. Tittle (the header image for this story) or good ol’ J. J. Watt (in our header photo on the site’s homepage).
But can you be an icon and have your entire team loathe you, the way the Seahawks did Russ for nearly his entire tenure? Can you be an icon and be short? (Russ is 5’11”, which is my height, and I strongly resent the implication that he is basically a dwarf, but nevertheless by QB standards he might as well be Tyrion Lannister. Minus, of course, the latter’s overflowing charm and wit). Name an NFL icon (a player, not a coach) shorter than six feet, and don’t say Kyler or I will force you to watch hours of his film, just like his coaches had to do to him. Does being a silly, silly man who nobody takes seriously any time you open your mouth in public preclude you from being an icon? I’m gonna say it does. Is it weird that I think Russ could win three more Super Bowls and still not be an icon? Maybe, but you totally know what I mean, right? Anyway, all that aside, Russ is my Astral Geeks QB this year, so if he wants to chase icon status by throwing for 6000 yards and 60 TDs, I am 100% for it.
icon in town!
By the way, did you know that Joe Namath, easily one of the greatest NFL icons of all time, in the Super Bowl he famously “guaranteed” to win against the highly favored Colts, completed 17 of 28 passes for 206 yards and threw zero TDs? I know it was a different game back then, but sheesh. Those are Zach Wilson rookie year numbers. Of course, the legend and icon on the other sideline, Johnny Unitas, was 11 for 24, for 110 yards, with no TDs and an interception. With those kinda stats, I wouldn’t pick either of these guys to captain my intramural flag team (I kid, I kid, calm down Boomer). Anyway, Namath’s team won 16 to 7, with the Jets scoring one 4-yard rushing TD and three field goals. That was his only Super Bowl. His audacity in making the guarantee and then backing it up, like Ruth’s legendary Called Shot, with the hipster playboy fur coat and shaggy hair thrown in for good measure, was enough to solidify his icon status for all time. Being that smooth in a sport full of toothless, monosyllabic ex-cons, where it was legal to beat the QB with a tire iron (oh, the good old days of football, I miss ‘em), makes a fella stand out. Of course, it always helps to get in on the ground floor of something, and he was right there at the spawning of the NFL empire.
Well, this is the ground floor of the Astral Geeks Empire, Season EI8HT and shit’s about to get Madonna/Bowie/Prince-level iconic!!!! Leeeeeeeet’s GO!
Just kidding har har. I like that faded fourth generation copy of Lady Gaga just fine and it is insidiously catchy, but here is your real kickoff video:
ASTRAL GEEKS SEASON EI8HT LAUNCH PAWTAY
Continue reading “ASTRAL GEEKS S08E01: Season EI8HT Launch – Isn’t It Iconic”
ASTRAL GEEKS FFL 