“It’s Mike F’ing White. I said it on Monday, I’ll say it again and I’ll keep saying it: He’s a dog. He’s an animal. He’s a savage… Mike White is a stud.”***
-Jets RB Ty Johnson, referring to the team’s backup (not for long?) QB Mike White, who went 37 for 45 in his first ever NFL start, throwing 405 yards, 3 TDs, and 2 INTs, besting the supposed slugger to beat in the AFC North, the Bengals, 34-31 in a wild and unexpected Week 8 thriller. It was the first time a Jets QB had thrown for over 400 yards since Vinny Testaverde (All-Time Most Jets Name Ever) did it 21 years ago, and only the second time ever that a QB threw for more than 400 yards in his first start (the other being Cam Newton in 2011). It was the most completions by a QB in his first start ever. All by a fourth-year second and third string backup nobody had ever heard of, and if you had tried to Google him before the end of the game on Sunday you would have gotten nothing but White Lotus and Ned Schneebly results.
And not only did he win the game by stacking up these numbers, he did it by staging a late game comeback, down 31-20 with less than 8 minutes left in the fourth quarter, against a Bengals defense that hadn’t allowed any of the previous seven teams it had played to score more than 25 points. All with the help of a Jets team that had struggled to win just a single game so far this season with the number two overall pick at the helm. White got everybody involved — Michael Carter, Keelan Cole, Ty Johnson, Elijah Moore, Tyler Kroft (scoring the winning TD against his old team), Denzel Mims, Jamison Crowder, Braxton Berrios… a list that, with the exception of maybe the up and coming Carter, looks like a basement slush pile of spare parts and also-rans.
When Zach Wilson went down with a PCL strain in Week 7, the Jetsam… sorry, Jets… got some heat for not having an experienced backup on the roster, so they made an ineffectual jerkoff gesture toward acquiring one by picking up Joe Flotsam… sorry, Flacco… whose most recent “experience” was going 0-4 for them last year. Nevertheless, they were going to go ahead with White as their starter against Cincinnati. “We have faith in him,” declared coach Robert Saleh before the game. And boy howdy, did they. OC Mike LaFleur told White on Saturday “Prepare to let it rip!” which the QB clearly did (despite none of his passes traveling more than 15 yards through the air). Most teams would have gone run-heavy, tried to take the pressure off the kid by turning the game into a slog and probably losing 31-12. Instead, Lafleur, keenly aware that the Jets both had very little to lose as well as an unknown quantity behind center, just dink and dunked up and down the field all game long, Mac Jones style. Even after the Jets’ second and third drives ended in tipped pass interceptions, Lafleur kept his foot on the gas and White answered with a 107.9 passer rating.
The best part is that the Jets looked like they were actually having fun for the first time in years. Even the defense, 4th worst in the league in Defensive DVOA, got in on the party, forcing a crucial stop and a crucial turnover in the waning minutes of the game. Then, after scoring the comeback TD that put them ahead by 1, the Jets went for a two-point conversion to make it a three point difference — which they successfully converted by using the official Most Fun Play of the 21st Century; the hallowed, frisky domain of upstarts, scrappy backups (Nick Foles anyone?), and underdogs — the one and only Philly Special (re-dubbed the Grand Old Opry here, as it had been originally drawn up for use against the Titans). White handed it off to Moore, who went left and handed it to Crowder, who was in motion back to the right, and Crowder rainbowed it to White in the corner of the endzone. After catching the two-point score, White flailed with excitement on the ground, clearly having the night of his life.
As the Jets went into victory formation, the hometown crowd was chanting “Mike White!” at the top of their lungs, so loudly in fact that it took the hero QB several minutes to realize it was his name they were shouting. White will start again in Week 9, but it remains to be seen what will happen once Wilson is supposedly ready to return to action in week 10. It’s the NFL. Flukes happen every week. It is entirely possible that this was a singular devil-kissed Hallows Eve anomaly, and Satan himself is now in possession of yet another Western Kentucky White Boy’s soul; and Mr. White himself has already been transformed into 3 pennywhistles in a potato sack, crumpled over at the crossroads where the deal was struck (you can find it out on Hwy 9, where the Chick-fil-e and Hobby Lobby sit kitty corner from each other), doomed to dream eternally about the glory of his first and only decent NFL start. Or he could light up the Colts, another rising power in the AFC, in Week 9 and kick up an honest to gawd dustruffle of a QB controversy, which is clearly already a-brewin’. Yee haw, git yer fiddles boyzngalz!
Zach Wilson was the number two overall pick and unquestioned Jets starter from the moment he was drafted. He even avoided the same kind of farcical “competition” that Urban Meyer pretended to hold between Number One Pick Trevor Lawrence and… *checks notes* …uh, Gardner Minshew, who is no longer even on the team. Principle, precedent, and propriety (oh wait, who am I kidding, I’m talking about the NFL) would seem to point toward the starter, the assumed and hoped for “future of the franchise” (at least since the last “future of the franchise,” Sam Darnold, departed earlier this year), retaining his first-string status, regardless of how well his backup played while he was out. But then again, Wilson’s record is 1-5 with 9 INTs, tied for the most in the league until Mahomes (!!!) passed him for the lead in Week 8.
Jets fans aren’t going to have a lot of patience waiting around for Wilson to figure out that throwing it to the other team tends to lose games, especially if it seems like they have a better answer right in front of them. They have been forced to eat vomit pancakes for too long — decades, really — and now there appear to be just regular old pancakes on the table. I don’t care how much draft capital we have invested in the VomCakes™ guy, hook me up with that Bisquick kid! I don’t think any fan is calling this the greatest Jets game since Super Bowl III (but given that this franchise is the living embodiment of the Butt Fumble, who could blame them if they did?), but it has still managed to breathe life into a brittle, sluggish organization, reminding players and fans alike that football doesn’t just have to be an endless swamp full of sadness and suffering — it can be fun too.
So if White goes out there and takes it to the Colts — or even manages to pull off a dignified, competitive loss high on excitement and low on bonehead turnovers — Saleh is going to have a full-fledged riot on his hands if he tries to pull him for Wilson in Week 10. He’s going to have to build a moat around MetLife Stadium, because every Sal and Gary in Staten Island is going to try and storm it, looking to put his and the INT-chucking rook’s head on spikes. Who knows, Ty Johnson may even lead the charge.
I’m not sure anyone believes Mike White is the Jets’ savior just yet. But so far he’s fun, and in the end that may be even more important.
***Since this was written, of course, the Conquering Hero of MetLife Stadium decided to smash his throwing arm into DeForest Buckner while tossing his only TD pass during the first quarter of Thursday Night’s tilt with the Colts, knocking himself out of the rest of the game. Despite being in tremendous pain on the sideline, he appears to have escaped breaking anything and should be ready to play if necessary in Week 10. All the Sals and Garys in Staten Island breathe a deep collective sigh of relief.
“What I was thinking was just ‘Don’t mess it up. Keep it running smooth. Have fun.’ I had so much frickin’ fun out there.”
-Saints third-string QB Trevor Siemian to Peter King, about coming into the game after a season-ending Jameis injury and defeating the defending World Champion Bucs (with the help of a monster Defense and some uncharacteristic Tom Brady boners, of course).
Look, I hope you’ll forgive me for momentarily rhapsodizing about a backup Jets QB who no one will probably even remember a year from now. I’ve obviously digested far too many underdog sports movies, and as a barely average athlete in every sport I played as a kid, far-fetched fantastical triumphs were about all I had. Plus, The Shirlies have one more win than the lowly NYJ, so let a guy dream. Nevertheless, a backup QB performing competently against a defense that has little to no experience with or film on him is not exactly uncommon. The key seems to be, as Siemian says, “Don’t mess it up.” (Also, try to have Alvin Kamara or Zeke Elliott on your team.)
Yet Week 8 was something else. Three, count ’em, three backup QBs beat good teams on Sunday. I mean, Daniel Jones is supposedly a starter, and he couldn’t even finish off a freefalling Chiefs team that repeatedly punched itself in the face every time it took the field (to be fair, Jones had Devin Booker instead of Kamara or Zeke leading his backfield, but still, that game was his to lose). Now granted, you might say Cooper Rush has the seemingly unfair advantage of having a quintessential White Quarterback Name, but what has that ever done for Colt McCoy I ask you?
Continue reading “ASTRAL GEEKS S07E04: Evil at the Crossroads”
ASTRAL GEEKS FFL 